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God is still faithful

Updated: Jan 31, 2023

I can still hear the sound of the busy signal when I called his house on January 28th, 2003. I must have dialed his number 100 times waiting to see if someone would pick up the phone. It wasn’t until my mom walked in my room and hugged me that it became real. My boyfriend of three years, Paul Antoni Duran, died at age 19 by suicide.

And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. ~Revelation 12:11

And as I sit here typing and reflecting on the past, my eyes fill up with tears. Not because it’s still painful, but because God is faithful. Don’t get me wrong the pain of losing a loved one, doesn’t go away. The pain only lessens. Sometimes when people die, their loved ones are prepared, perhaps the person died of old age or the family knew ahead of time so they could grieve while the person was alive. But when someone’s life is taken suddenly such as a car accident or suicide, trauma and shock rise to the surface of everyone who is left behind.

Romans 8:28- And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

I believe that suicide can be prevented. Depression is real, extreme sadness can effect anyone.

A person who attempts suicide isn’t seeking attention, they are seeking help. There are signs and behaviors that a person exhibits when effected by depression. The list goes on, but what I want to talk about today is how depression comes upon a person. A doctor won’t tell you this, but depression is a spirit. This is my blog, so I’m going to go ahead and use the word, demon. And the way that a demon enters a person (even a Christian who has the Holy Spirit living inside of them) is through an open door.

“When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order.Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before. That will be the experience of this evil generation.” ~Matthew 12:43-45

Two weeks before Paul died, he told me that he was ashamed of me. The reason he said this was because we were using crystal meth and I stayed up for two weeks straight. Imagine how your body feels when you don’t get proper rest for 24 hours. But yep, I was awake for 336 hours… My mind was gone, I was less than 100 pounds and my body was just a shell. The words he spoke to me hurt so much, that I quit using. But as I was getting clean off dope, he still kept on using.

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. ~Genesis 50:20

The door that we opened to demons was drug use. But drug use can also be a symptom of something even deeper. Because a person who uses drugs is trying to escape something or escape the way they feel inside. There are many doors that can leave a person open to demons, but I will name just a few. Humiliation, embarrassment & torment from others become open doors that can lead to a spirit of rejection. Bitterness, unforgiveness & trauma will give full access to demons. And when a person has an open door, there’s no telling what evil spirit will walk through. When someone uses drugs or has an addiction to alcohol, it can be a manifestation of rejection. Our words can curse someone or bless someone according James 3:10. We need to watch the things we say to others and speak life over everyone instead of death.

Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. ~James 3:10

Paul had attempted suicide in front of me twice prior his death. And other friends of his testified of his suicide attempts with them. Depression is real, but the spirit behind depression is even more real. Today is the 20th anniversary of Paul’s entrance into eternal life. Paul knew the Lord. He grew up in a Holy Spirit filled church, in a family who loved and served Jesus, and he gave his life to Jesus. But he lived under demonic oppression. As Christians we believe that when a person accepts Jesus as their Lord and savior, their name is written in the Book of Life. And we walk by faith, not by sight. We believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. And for this we are thankful. Thank You Jesus for Your sacrifice. Thank you Jesus for Your life, death and resurrection. Because of You we have eternal life in heaven.

We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:8

And to the ones left behind I want you to know that God is faithful. If you are still suffering with a broken heart, anger, resentment, grief or guilt… all the feelings that come from losing a loved one tragically, I want you to know that God is in control. He is your comforter & your peace as much as you allow Him to be. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but Jesus can heal all wounds in time.

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory. ~Isaiah 61:3

Lets pray,

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for Your Word. Thank You that we can trust You. Thank You God for Your faithfulness. Lord I lift up everyone who is dealing with depression. Whether it is a loved one or if it is the one reading this prayer. I thank You God that You are the God who heals. I thank You that we find freedom from depression in Jesus. I plead the blood of Jesus over everyone who has suicidal thoughts & declare that they have the mind of Christ. I declare a hedge of protection to surround them now. I loose unconditional love and acceptance over them now. Lord let their family members pay attention to the signs & give them a heart of compassion to be understanding. Fill them with patience. Lord restore everything broken, in Jesus name.



Here are a few things to be aware of when someone you know may be struggling with depression. Suicide can be prevented. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Signs of Depression


Drug use

Loss of interest in things they enjoy



Excessive sleep/ Insomnia

Weight gain/ weight loss

Change in/ poor appetite

Irritability/ mood swings

Excessive crying

The list goes on….


Here’s a resource from Focus on the Family regarding suicide. Help for parents & children.

If you need extra prayer or someone to walk along side you feel free to reach out we are here for you. If you think you or someone you love may be under demonic oppression please reach out we can help you find freedom through Jesus.

If you would like to contact a Christian Counselor please let us know. If you are in NY, CT or TX I know a Christian therapist who works with adults and children. She has a heart of compassion and walks with Jesus. She is accepting new patients and offers video appointments.

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